Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Happy (?) New Year

I had this whole post almost ready to roll to start the New Year. It was about how we shouldn't make any resolutions other than to resolve to not make resolutions. It was HILARIOUS. Trust me, it might have been my finest work.

Then something happened on New Years Day that made me not post it, but reflect on incident and change my post all together. Our beloved Airedale Abbie died. Suddenly and without warning she died. Honestly, I still am a little confused about the whole thing. I keep thinking that I am going to wake up and she'll be lying there on the couch, just like she always was in the morning.

Let me give a little back story about Abbie. Abbie was a rescue Airedale. She was given to the pound by some fools that got an Airedale and didn't like that she was digging in the yard and they couldn't have a fence either. Um, duh. Airedales dig. That's what they do. And I would think you would find out if you can have a fence in your neighborhood before you get a dog, but whatever. We ended up with her. She was sick with kennel cough and malnourished. A pathetic sight to say the least.

But, we nursed her back to health in a big, BIG way. She ended up being an 80 lb. + Airedale, and not overweight, just a HUGE dog. And turning out to be an awesome dog too. She was great with kids, acting much like the Darling's dog Nana. She would talk to me when she wanted something, with a big, deep "woof". She was a little dog aggressive, getting in fights occasionally with our other Airedale, Pip, and always winning since she was so big and strong.

A few weeks ago, she injured her right rear paw. I noticed a few days ago that her inside toe on that paw was swollen, so we made an appointment at the vet. In we go for a quick procedure to get her all fixed up. Turns out it was an abscessed toe, so she must have got a thorn or sliver or glass or some other foreign object in it. She was checked out, the toe was cleaned out and we were sent on our way with some medication, an antibiotic and a pain killer.

The next day, New Year's Eve, we gave her the medication as prescribed. Then early the next morning, my wife wakes up to her whining/yelping. She thinks Abbie needs to go out. Soon I hear a scream to come to the living room, something is wrong with her. I go out to find her dead. That quick. We immediately call the vet as I try for a minute to give her CPR. It made no difference, she was gone.

After taking her to the vet for cremation, she was also given an "autopsy" or whatever they call it for dogs. Basically they're saying it was an adverse reaction to the pain killing medication. Not acceptable and not cool. We were given no warning at all about this medication. After an online search, we find out that there are a lot of people that have had similar issues with this medication.

I'll come back later this week with a better (not depressing) post. For my mental health, I need to.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

It's gone VIRAL...

As you may remember, back on Halloween, I participated (I would have said raced but we all know I didn't really race...too slow) in the SD State Championship CX race. And after the race, as you also may remember, my picture showed up on the front of the Black Hills Pioneer paper from the Northern Black Hills. WELL, a funny thing happened...

Betsy C., the person that put on the race, sent me a copy of the picture from the paper and on the bottom of said picture, there was a little note saying something to the effect of "I loved the costume, your man-pelt is awesome and if you want a better copy of it, I know the guy that took it and can get you one." OK, maybe some of that was made up, but the promise of a hi-res picture of my gut, man-pelt and rock hard nipples (it was chilly out that day) was real and I took her up on it.

I read All Hail The Black Market on a regular basis and there is some crazy-fun stuff on there and a lot of cross (cyclocross, not cross dressing, though it could be both) references, so I figured that my picture should go to Stevil. So, I sent it with a brief description of what he was seeing, not that the picture wasn't worth a thousand words, and low and behold, he posted it on his blog for all the world to see. Yes, I posted it on my blog a while back too, but I have somewhere around 4 readers and Stevil has at least 1000 readers, so in my world it went viral.

Now, this morning, I get up, do my stupid morning stuff, and plop my ass (which is about as hairy as my chest) down on the couch and check the normal sites I check in the morning. When I am on Dirt Rag's website, where I usually check out the forums, I scroll down to see Team Fubar-Gots some 'splaining to do!. Obviously, I click on the link to re-read my post to Stevil. Now it is on yet ANOTHER website that has a lot more readers than this sad little blog (8600+ members). Holy crap...yep, viral.

That picture is really phenomenal. If you look at it on a hi-def monitor or TV (as I am doing right now) you can actually see my nipples are distended from the cold. Maybe I should grow a man-pelt/comb-over combo to cover those sensitive little suns-a-bitches with some warmth-giving fur. In addition, the pelt is also quite a thing to behold. I often get asked if I shave my legs (a cyclist thing to do) and I always say no. Where the hell would I stop? The top of my thighs? Then I'd look like I was wearing a fur unitard. And if I shaved the whole shootin' match, well, there isn't enough time in the day. I've got too much other shit to do.

Little did I know that acting like a jackass at a cross race, donning only my bib knickers, some arm warmers, a cape, a luchadore mask, growing a beautiful, scintillating man-pelt and exposing my nipples for the world to see would create such a fervor (with a little shameless self-promotion on my part). Good to see the world isn't so serious.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Stinky Bathrooms

I have a question. Why, oh why, do public restrooms, especially those in grocery stores, perpetually smell like diarrhea?

I went to the store tonight and suddenly had to take a leak. I opened the door and the smell of hot shit hit me in the face like someone throwing a wet wash cloth over my nose and mouth. A tiny bit of throw-up went into the back of my mouth, but I still had to snap the bean, so one deep breath and in I went.

I suppose, the only people that would actually shit in a public restroom are those that have some sort of mental instability or someone that may have gone on a Coors Light and Taco Tuesday bender the night before, with the latter being the more likely.

I think that a person could clean the bathroom and while the janitor was in there, it would smell like bleach and sunshine and the second, absolute SECOND they walk out, it would instantly smell like hot shit.

I hope someone out there can give me a response to why this phenomena happens. Or maybe not. Maybe I have over thought this one.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Bike-a-holics Anonymous

I want to start by saying thanks to all the well wishers and visitors that we had regarding Li'l Tex. But she's back up and running in full force! A few pheasants and a turkey (not to mention other dead animals) later proves that she's running like a champ!

But the real reason I am here is to talk about...BIKES. Yeah, surprising isn't it? Well maybe not really surprising, but this isn't what you'd think. I want to talk about new bikes and how a person feels about a new bike.

My buddy (the Prince from earlier posts) Brian got a new ride. And boy, did he ever get a new ride. He got the mack-daddy of new rides, a Trek Top Fuel 9.9 SSL with Sram XX grouppo, carbon wheels, the works. It is $7400 of rolling sex. It is fast, strong, light and absolutely gorgeous. I seriously don't know how he got a new bike this time of the year and not be able to ride it. I know it sounds like I am jealous of him, but I am not. Not even in the least. I am completely stoked for him. And it makes me want to get a new ride.

New bikes are weird. If you're really into bikes and riding, when your riding buddies get a new bike, it's cool. You're happy for them. You want to check out their new rides, go ride with them, watch them cry when they get the first scratch on it, and experience the whole thing with them. It is almost like living vicariously through them. And while I would never want the bike Brian got, I now want a new bike.

I want a Moots Mooto-X YBB with Sram XX and a Reba fork (OK, so it has some of the same stuff as Brian's bike). I just don't know what lengths I am prepared to go to for one. I am thinking that there is a possibility of selling my motorcycle for one. I can't believe I am saying that. I waited a long time to get that motorcycle, but that is the draw of a new bike. Once you've tasted a new ride, you can't go back. Wanting a new ride is like an eating disorder, a meth and a sex addiction all rolled into one. You can't get enough to satisfy the hunger. As a friend once said "How many bikes does a person need? Just one more."

So, "Hi, I am NSS and I am a Bike-A-Holic." Now, which step is the first of the 12 I need to take?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Let's take a moment of silence!

There has been a tragic and SERIOUS situation here at Not-so-serious headquarters. A family member has been diagnosed with a serious illness. I have been in communications with people that can help and we are hoping that we can rectify the situation today.

I know you're asking; Who is sick? What is going on? Well let me tell you. It's our Traeger Li'l Tex BBQ070 grill. It is a VERY serious situation and it has been a very tough week since Li'l Tex went down. I discovered last Wednesday that the heating element went out of our grill and Li'l Tex was put on the transplant list, stat. We fired the ol' girl up last night using the manual starting method, and it worked fine, but it isn't the same.

I hear the follow up questions; What is a Traeger Li'l Tex BBQ070 grill? Why is it a serious situation? Who CARES?

Well, if you've ever had the JOY of having or using a Traeger, you'd understand my pain. It is a pellet grill. A pellet grill uses pellets that are not unlike the pellets people use in the stoves to heat your house, but they (the pellets) are not just for heating. They have flavored woods (garlic, onion, etc.) and they have different woods (oak, hickory, mesquite, etc.) for adding the perfect flavor to you favorite foods. The pellets dump from a hopper, via an auger system, into a combustion chamber, which is ignited by said heating element. A person could smoke meats, grill foods, and even use the grill as a CONVECTION oven. We've smoked chickens, turkeys, grilled any kind of foods on it you could imagine (including bacon!), and made bread and pizza on it. The Traeger grill makes me look like a grilling genius! And, while there is a certain touch that a person still has to have with grilling, it takes a good "griller" and makes them AWESOME. People that typically make their food look like the charcoal they are cooking with NEED a Traeger. You have to work hard to burn stuff on a Traeger. Even the most absent minded griller can use a Traeger with success. I know I sound like a paid reviewer of Traeger products, but trust me, I paid hard earned money for my Traeger. Thats how much I love this grill.

We cook/grill on it 4-5 times per week and since it has been broken, I've been lost. When it comes time to make dinner, I feel like I have some sort of amnesia or dementia. I don't know what to do. I keep going to the door, thinking that everything will be OK, but it isn't. Li'l Tex isn't going to heal itself, as much as I want it to. I have done all that I can. I've put Li'l Tex on the transplant list and I have an excellent set of tools. Now, it is time to wait. The life-flight team (FedEx) is scheduled to bring in the transplant organs today and for my sanity and their health, I hope they come through.

Now, I just need to decide on the first thing to grill on Li'l Tex once the transplant is successful. Buffalo burgers or some steaks? Hmmm...maybe both.