Moab Report 2.0

To paraphrase a singer that may or may not have fallen off a stage here in South Dakota; "I'm BAAACCCKK in the saddle again."

Excuses are like assholes. Everybody has one. I have about a million of them as to why I haven't posted anything about Teamfubar's assault on the 24 Hours of Moab, or why I haven't posted anything in almost 2 months for that matter. But the truth of the matter is I have been typing this whole thing up for the trip and, well, it sucks (what I wrote, not the trip). It is too full of minutia of the whole trip, "First we rode here, then we ate, then we did this, then we touched our weiners, blah, blah, blah."

No one wants to hear that shit. Especially the people that weren't there. Nothing worse than going over to a friends house to see 200 pictures of their trip somewhere you didn't get to go and have them describe experiences that you didn't have. *YAWN* BORING! So, in keeping with true Fubar fashion, I'll put together a synopsis of what happened, giving out virtual awards, describing what happened in short, rapid fire bursts as opposed to the War and Peace version. I still have all I wrote, so maybe I'll put it together for those that were there if they want it.

Teamfubar X 2010 edition.

Getting the "band" back together for the first time in 10 years has to be the coolest part of the whole trip. And while it isn't the exact line-up we had 10 years ago, it has 3 of the original members (4 if you count my lovely that busts ass all night long keeping the team fed and hydrated). I think the consensus was that if Granny Gear does the race again next year, we'll be back. I know I want to, I think the Prince wants to (actually, I know he wants to based on the quasi-irate texts I got from him after we got home and he found out how close we were to a top 10 finish) and if he wants to, the Princess will, so we'll probably end up fielding a team again. And I'll be stoked if we do. I had a blast and I hope everyone else did as well.

Worst performance of the race.

Before I get to the best performance of the race, I have to get to the worst performance. "What? That isn't cool to call someone out about how they raced!" Well, if it is about you and you're typing, you can say what you want. My performance on one particular lap sucked. And it wasn't even about me riding. When we've done the race in the past, we've always seen those poor souls there screaming for their relief rider that was not there. I've always pitied them. I thought "Shit, that team can't get their poop in a group enough to be there when a rider comes in."

Well guess what? I WAS THAT GUY! JT came in from his night lap and I was 6 FUCKING minutes late! Those 6 minutes cost us a top 10 finish. What a douche.

Best racing performance of the race.

This was a tough one. I could have easily chosen the Prince for turning the fastest lap or the Princess for having a blistering morning lap. Or Cleatus for being old reliable and cranking out 4 laps at a high level as he's always done at the race. But, I had to go with JT.

JT cranked out his 3 laps within 3 minutes of each other. EVEN HIS NIGHT LAPS! Nice riding JT, very, very impressive. JT turned his night laps WAY faster than any of us expected (which was a big part of why I was late) and his laps were the most consistent of the team.

Best non-racing performance of the race.

My wife. Yes we had lots of other help there (the Princess' dad, my mom, the Boy, etc.) and they all contributed, but we could NOT do it without my wife. She stayed up for most of the night, making sure the fire kept burning, kept us fed and hydrated. I see other teams without a quality pit crew and I don't like what I see. It looks hard, it looks unorganized, it looks un-fun. I love having her on our team. It was worth 2 spots at least.

Weirdest moment of the trip.

I surely could cite the moment that the Princess' dad ran out of water in the shower and I had to hang the new "sun shower" bag in the tent for him and saw his old-man hose. I am scarred for life (and feel really, really inadequate now), but that was only a rugged moment for me.

Naw, the real bizarre moment of the trip had to be when some dumbass (me) came boiling out of the tent in bib shorts, orange and black striped tights, a orange feather boa and arm warmers. A laugh riot ensued in the camp and throughout the venue, but most of the team didn't admit to knowing me at the pre-race meeting.

Best purchase for the trip.

Hands down was the shower shelter/tent. Knowing that the showers brought in by Granny Gear were about 1/2 mile away from our camp and that after about 12:01 pm on Saturday all the water would be cold, I bought a shower shelter. What a life-altering purchase. It was awesome to be able to come back to camp and shower, even if I saw another man's pork pistol. Now if I can convert that shower-cam footage to a Mac version...

Best OCD.

Thought about the Princess and the her whole Port-a-potty phobia, but that isn't really unfounded, as the last thing I want to do sit on a bowl above a pile of man-made DQ chocolate soft serve...yuck. So, I gotta go to the Prince with this one. He had the best running bike of the entire team. I don't know if he sat down for more than 10 minutes the whole time. He made bikes run smoothly. Nice job! Bring your bro next year so you can relax between laps.

Best Alcoholic Moment.

Cleatus and JT rolled in to Moab a day after us. Brining quantities of alcohol into Utah isn't legal. Bringing it in to Utah via your circulatory system isn't illegal, although maybe not recommended. These two found New Belgium Ranger in a can in Colorado and Cleatus lost his mind. Seeing him roll into the finish line of the race as our last rider with a Ranger in his hand was a thing of beauty!

Best fuck without the pleasure of intercourse.

By far has to be how much we have to pay to race AND THEN pay to camp. If that weren't bad enough, I had to clear the field we camped in so there weren't a thousand thistles in our feet and tires. I realize that they have to make money on this event, but c'mon. Figure, there were almost a 1/4 of a million dollars in entry fees alone (even with the diminished racer count)! Tack onto that another $40,000 or so for camping PLUS the fees that the bike companies paid to be there and, well, it's a LOT of money. At least let the racers camp free.

FUBARstatistics.

Total Laps: 16

Average Lap Time: 1 hour 33 min 13 sec.

Fastest Lap: 1 hour 17 min 19 sec (by the Prince)

Total Distance Raced: 256 miles!

Greatest Fact: We did the same number of laps as we did 10 years ago!

Team Ahead of Us: Ben's Iron Clad Disater (2 min 55 sec ahead)

Team Behind Us: Garrhs (15 min 01 sec behind)

Top Ten Time: Git Some (4 min 52 sec ahead)

Projected Days Until the Next 24 HoM: 312 and counting...

I've already started training...

The report is coming...

I am working on the 24 Hours of Moab report, but it is taking longer than I thought. I'll have it here in the next day or two (or three or four) I promise...

I think I'm mentally constipated.

OK, so I've been neglecting this blog as of late. But it isn't as I've got nothing to say. Au contraire mon frere, the real problem is that I've got so much going on that I don't really know how to dig through the pile of shiza-minelli that is swimming around in my head. Which is also the reason I haven't been writing on this blog either. Too busy. And it isn't that I haven't been on my computer at all, or even been on this blog. I have, but as soon as I sit down to start writing some crap up, my mind starts wandering, thinking about what I need to get done, and I can't get a coherent sentence out on the keyboard.

All this said, I'll give you the Cliff Notes of what I've done since the last time I checked in. Went to Sheridan, WY w/Cleatus to see our good friend Al, that has (had) a bike shop, to pick up my new Specialized Rumphumper Comp 29'er. Great visit, seeing him and his family. I say "had" a bike shop, as he built a bike shop that was in a room in the back of an outdoor outfitter in Sheridan into a supremely successful business that soon would encompass the whole building that he bought. He is selling the shop off to a couple of employees.

I got my new bike and on the way home we smoked a deer in my XTerra. Jacked up the XTerra pretty bad. Not drivable at ALL right now. It is getting fixed though. This is a downer though, so I won't speak of it anymore.

Last week, I got some good AM rides in on the 29'er, getting used to it for the upcoming 24 Hours of Moab. I've had some weird wildlife encounters, the deer/car (OK, so I mentioned it, punch me in the nuts the next time you see me) and on my bike. I was rounding a bend with my headlights burning, just before sun up and a little owl that was on the trail flew up, slapping me with its wings on its way by. Freaked me the fuck out.

On Friday, 10 others and I rolled out from Deadwood (well, actually 4 of those guys decided to ride from Spearfish, 'cause this ride wasn't going to be quite long enough for them) on the annual Rambler Mickelson Trail ride. Shortly after 6 am we were pedaling.

Rolling into Rochford, we find the temperature was in the low 30's and we were all freezing our asses off, but not much further away, we finally got into the sun and soon we were shedding clothing like it was Friday night at Shotgun Willy's. Obviously, not much further we were in Hill City and our first beer stop. Then we rolled into Custer for lunch and another beer stop. Then into Pringle and another beer stop. Then to the end of the ride, 110 miles later, at Edgemont and yet the final beer stop. Do you see a theme here? We rode 110 miles (and some 125 miles) in 7 1/2 hours (ride time) and I'm guessing we all lost a little fitness 'cause of all the beer consumed. None the less, it was a really fun day.

That basically sums up the last few weeks. Now, the bikes are cleaned up and ready to roll as we leave in 57 hours for the 24 Hours of Moab. You can follow us (Teamfubar X) LIVE DURING THE RACE HERE. And, if I have Wi-Fi and I am so inclined, I just may do some live blogging to keep everyone updated on how shitty I feel during the race.

It's been a long time...

A view of me riding away from someone. Not a view many get to see as this is usually the view I have of others.

I've been a lazy ass lately with the blog. Not that I don't have anything to say, but don't really have the time or desire to write it down. Yet, here we are, aren't we? Plus, I've got a lot of stuff going on. So, I'll detail some of it here.

First and foremost, there is going to be yet another addition to the family. First, I got a new CX bike. I don't remember if I posted anything about this or not. I did a half-assed search of my posts and didn't see anything about it, so I'll talk about that here. I know I did mention that I killed my Kona Major Jake. Making a long story short, I sent my frame in and found out it wasn't covered by warranty anymore (stupid 5 year warranty). They did offer to replace it with a "crash replacement", with a new Major Jake frame costing $550. YIKES! I told Tim at Acme Bicycles that I didn't really need a Major Jake, as a NEW one is way nicer than the 9 year old one I was riding. I told him that if he could get me just a Jake the Snake version, I'd take it and it would be every bit as good as my frame.

Well, I got a call from Tim saying they sent a whole bike instead of a frame and I could have it for $600. DONE! So, here is new bike addition #1:

Nice ride for $600, plus I was needing new shifters and derailleur, so I took care of a few birds with that stone.

So, now on to the next addition. I had a 2008 Kawasaki KLR 650 that I didn't ride. I bought it when I lived in Colorado. I loved that motorcycle, but in the last year, it was gathering a LOT of dust. Since a lot of my free time was filled with riding my bike trying to whip my sorry, fat ass back into some semblance of shape, the last thing I was about to do was take off on my motorcycle and be away from the family even more. So after discussion with my wife and son, we decided to sell it. After one jack-wagon fucked me on eBay with it, I sold it locally. And part of my sale was going to go to a NEW 29'er mountain bike! So, after a quick call to Alvin at Back Country Bikes in Sheridan, WY (he's my supplier) and I ordered a Kona King Kahuna.

Well, that didn't pan out like I wanted. The Konas weren't gonna be available for a while and part of why I was getting a new steed was for the 24 Hours of Moab (which we're down to 21 days 5 hours away). I then switched it to a Specialized Rumphumper Comp 29'er. Man, I didn't want to ride a Specialized (almost everyone I ride with rides a Specialized). I didn't want to join "Team Specialized", but it was available, it was similarly spec'd as the Kona and it was about $700 less than the Kona. So, I pulled the trigger on it. And now it is here. Well, it's actually in Sheridan and I'm going to get it next week.

Finally, I raced the tandem (Barney as my son likes to call it, 'cause it's big and purple. Which is weird, since he never did like Barney, thank GOD!) with my son last week. It was a low-key affair at Victoria Lake. I haven't been to Victoria Lake since the infamous bike tossing incident wrecked bike racing in the Black Hills for the last 13 years. It was fun to do a grassroots event like that. We initially signed up for the "expert" class, going 2 loops, but after the first one, the boy said he was done, so we rode on in. He had fun, as did I. Now that the first one is under the belt, he might be ready for another one.

Well, that should be enough barf for one week, well actually 11 days. There's been some other shit that's transpired, like a couple of REALLY fun rides, but nothing worth blabbing about. Getting ready for our impending trip to Utah, looking forward to camping and hanging out with friends, and flogging my ass for one last time on the bike this year. Hopefully, the fall riding season will be long this year and there will be a lot of rides, but no more flogging after Moab. And, I'll be doing the flogging on a new bike!

Dakota Five-O Report.

Another Dakota Five-O is in the books. I'll start this whole thing out by saying I am NOT making any excuses, but just stating facts. Facts that just happened to work against me for about 38 of the 50'ish miles that the race covers.

I felt prepared and ready to go when the start of the race went down. T'aint sufficiently lubed? Check. Nipples covered with New-Skin to prevent chaffing? Check. Bike working well? FUCK NO, but we'll talk about that later. The group went out faster than hell as usual, but it was no matter. The first 4 or so miles take off on a paved road/gravel road climb, so it gives the peloton (of approximately 550 people this year) a chance to thin out a bit before hitting the first stretch of singletrack. I was feeling pretty good when we hit Tinton Trail, even though it was grid lock once we got onto the trail itself. Funneling that many people onto a 12" wide dirt ribbon didn't work too well at first.

Anyhow, once on that singletrack, the group spread out enough that the bottlenecks quit after a mile or so. We rolled along nicely to the first aid station at Big Hill (not the first-aid station, but the first of many aid stations). At Big Hill, I took a Clif Shot Block from my AWESOME support crew of my wife and son, and rolled off. A quick, short down hill section, then a fairly tough, but short climb up through a beautiful aspen grove were next on the menu which is where things went all wonky for me. The climb was really tough. My heartrate went through the roof, my legs felt heavy, the pedals were hard to push and I couldn't figure out why. I felt good up 'til that point. I kept pushing on. Down the next descent things were good, but then there was a big ol' climb, called Cardiac Climb I and II. Same shit for me on those climbs. I thought there was something drastically wrong with me. It was really an emotional time. It's kinda funny how your mind works when shit has gone all completely wrong in a brutal race (or any tough situation like this). I personally alternate between thinking I can make it to wondering where my life went wrong. Maybe it was when I was a little kid...maybe I did something wrong and this is retribution. Shit, I just need to make it to the next aid station and I can assess what the hell is wrong.

The 13 or so miles from station 1 to station 2 felt REALLY long to me, but I finally made it. When I got there I told my wife that there was something very, VERY wrong with me, which at this point I just thought I was being a fucking wimp, not realizing that there were strange things afoot at the Circle K. Again, I took on some food and took off. I forced myself up the trail about 200 yards or so and decided that I couldn't continue on like this so I turned around to go back to my wife and quit.

In hindsight, thankfully, my wife was being the ultra-efficient-being that she is, when I got there, she had already left, going to the last aid station. "Son-of-a-bitch" I said out loud. "What's wrong?" says a lady, sitting in her convertible with the top down that I didn't see. "Nothing..." I say as I get back on my bike. I realize that I'll need to ride to the area called Ballpark if I'm going to get back to town. So once again I leave this second aid station.

Part way around Old Baldy I discover that there is something wrong with my freehub. I cannot pedal backwards, or at least when I do, the chain goes all kiddy-whomp-assed. Well, THAT must be my problem. I was in WAY better shape than last year, way more prepared for the day and I at least felt better that it wasn't necessarily me. Keep forging on and I can make a decision of where I'm at once I get to the last aid station.

I get there and show my wife what is going on. She asks if I want to quit. Yes. No. I don't fucking know. Yes, I want to quit because this has been unbelievably hard. No, because (wait a minute, let me wrap myself in the American flag and stand on the podium) I am not a quitter. I don't quit stuff. It isn't in my character. I am already sore and tired. I don't want to add being a quitter to this list. Sore, tired, quitter. Pick two...and I already had sore and tired under my belt. One last (maybe the worst) shitty climb left, a sweet stretch of singletrack, a gradual fire road climb and the screaming downhill left to go to town (all about 15 miles). Fuck it. I'm gonna finish this damn race if it kills me, and it surely could today.

I make it up through the climb, past Hobo Camp (where they were serving bacon sandwiches and PBR on tap) which isn't really an aid station as much as it is a party station. Down the DakoTA Ridge trail, up Johnson Fire Road, and finally to Tinton Road. I passed a couple of people that passed me on the last little climb, and let 'er rip. I get on Tinton Trail and am absolutely flying! I pass two guys like they had broken freehubs (I couldn't resist) and am completely railing the trail. This is the best I've felt the whole race. On one of the little climbs on this descent, I hear a voice behind me say, "Holy SHIT. You're killing this trail. Are you from here?" "No" I respond. "I used to live here when this trail was kind of a secret trail, but I haven't ridden it since last year." He then follows up with "When you passed us, I saw the roost you were throwing up and I thought I needed to grab your wheel. This is unreal."

Well, needless to say, I made it through the finish line. Way slower than I wanted, but finished none the less. I got my bike put away, I got cleaned up, ate some food, drank some beer and then had fun socializing with my friends and family (and about 1000 others crammed into the park). There was a kid's race that went down and we watched kids from our families tear it up. When I was watching the kids go round and round, I was looking around and knowing no matter how slow or fast a person that raced completed their ride today, we all suffered out there. Some maybe a bit more than others, but it was tough for everyone. Perry and crew put on a stellar event and I'm looking forward to next year's race.

No work on Monday because of the holiday meant clean-up day from the race. Got the truck all cleaned out and the gear all washed and put away. I was avoiding my bike 'cause I didn't really want to know what was wrong. I pulled the rear wheel off to discover that the lock ring that holds the cassette on had backed itself out a little bit. Enough to drag on the two bolts that hold the replaceable derailleur hanger on. Enough drag to wear a goddamn groove into the lock ring! (You can see the groove arcing around the top of the lock ring in the picture.) I wore a groove into a piece of hardened steel. It was like riding with a brake on for about 38 or so miles. Wow. Now I vacillate between being happy with how I finished with that dragging and being pissed at myself for not having my bike dialed in.

Right now as I type, I am thinking I am happy that I finished and it was good training for our next event. 31 days to go until Teamfubar takes on THE 24 HOURS OF MOAB! I can't wait. I don't know how I'll do but I will guarantee my lock ring will be tight.

Why do I do the things I do?

Short post. 4:35 am. Need to leave in just about an hour. And yet, here I sit, PROcrastinating, typing this bullshit onto virtual paper for no one except a small handful of people to read. I don't understand how my brain is wired and works.

Anyhoo, went to Speardog last night for the registration. Took 1 1/2 hours to get my registration packet. I lined up at 5:00 and got it at 6:30. Registration started at 3:00. 550 racers. I was number 281. You do the math. That was going to be one long assed night for Perry's wife and friends manning that table, yet they were in good spirits and taking care of business. I hope no one was hating on 'em too much. I realize that 90 minutes in line was a long time, but you know they'll do something to change it for next year. Regardless, it was unreal to see an actual population percentage increase (2-3%) in the town and having the majority of them on bikes. Fuck Sturgis, the real V-Twin power is coming from the legs of the 550 in the Five-O!

Good grub and friends at JT's last night after the registration. JT put on a nice gig for everyone. It was cool to get together with friends, old and new, break bread and know we're all gonna be in a world of pain in 12 hours (at least from last night). From the fastest guys to the slowest ones, we're all gonna hurt just the same.

All right, I gotta finish getting ready for the day. I got most of my stuff ready last night, slept like shit, tossing and turning all night, now I can casually get ready to leave. Good stuff! Look for a full on, more fluid and less disjointed (than this) report in the next day or two.

Why am I nervous???

Well, school has started and it feels a little bit like summer never happened. We're right back into our normal school morning routines, after school routines, and trying to cram some riding into the day/week. And, as I've alluded to previously, the Dakota Five-O is coming up this weekend, having us try to squeeze a bit more summer into our lives.

Which leads me to the point of this whole post. I am FUCKING nervous about a stupid assed race! What the hell? I don't get nervous about stuff, especially races, yet here I am, feeling all tense and stressed out about it this year.

I don't know why. Maybe I'm putting pressure on myself about it (I do have a personal goal for the race), maybe because I've been more "serious" about riding this year than ever before. I have no idea, but even as I type this, I feel the butterflies cruising around in my ample gut.

Well, I'll keep it short and sweet today, but come back with a full-on Five-O report on Monday. Just know that I have about 48 hours of stress ahead of me. then I can start worrying about the 24 Hours of Moab.