Happy (?) New Year

I had this whole post almost ready to roll to start the New Year. It was about how we shouldn't make any resolutions other than to resolve to not make resolutions. It was HILARIOUS. Trust me, it might have been my finest work.

Then something happened on New Years Day that made me not post it, but reflect on incident and change my post all together. Our beloved Airedale Abbie died. Suddenly and without warning she died. Honestly, I still am a little confused about the whole thing. I keep thinking that I am going to wake up and she'll be lying there on the couch, just like she always was in the morning.

Let me give a little back story about Abbie. Abbie was a rescue Airedale. She was given to the pound by some fools that got an Airedale and didn't like that she was digging in the yard and they couldn't have a fence either. Um, duh. Airedales dig. That's what they do. And I would think you would find out if you can have a fence in your neighborhood before you get a dog, but whatever. We ended up with her. She was sick with kennel cough and malnourished. A pathetic sight to say the least.

But, we nursed her back to health in a big, BIG way. She ended up being an 80 lb. + Airedale, and not overweight, just a HUGE dog. And turning out to be an awesome dog too. She was great with kids, acting much like the Darling's dog Nana. She would talk to me when she wanted something, with a big, deep "woof". She was a little dog aggressive, getting in fights occasionally with our other Airedale, Pip, and always winning since she was so big and strong.


A few weeks ago, she injured her right rear paw. I noticed a few days ago that her inside toe on that paw was swollen, so we made an appointment at the vet. In we go for a quick procedure to get her all fixed up. Turns out it was an abscessed toe, so she must have got a thorn or sliver or glass or some other foreign object in it. She was checked out, the toe was cleaned out and we were sent on our way with some medication, an antibiotic and a pain killer.

The next day, New Year's Eve, we gave her the medication as prescribed. Then early the next morning, my wife wakes up to her whining/yelping. She thinks Abbie needs to go out. Soon I hear a scream to come to the living room, something is wrong with her. I go out to find her dead. That quick. We immediately call the vet as I try for a minute to give her CPR. It made no difference, she was gone.


After taking her to the vet for cremation, she was also given an "autopsy" or whatever they call it for dogs. Basically they're saying it was an adverse reaction to the pain killing medication. Not acceptable and not cool. We were given no warning at all about this medication. After an online search, we find out that there are a lot of people that have had similar issues with this medication.


I'll come back later this week with a better (not depressing) post. For my mental health, I need to.

It's gone VIRAL...

As you may remember, back on Halloween, I participated (I would have said raced but we all know I didn't really race...too slow) in the SD State Championship CX race. And after the race, as you also may remember, my picture showed up on the front of the Black Hills Pioneer paper from the Northern Black Hills. WELL, a funny thing happened...

Betsy C., the person that put on the race, sent me a copy of the picture from the paper and on the bottom of said picture, there was a little note saying something to the effect of "I loved the costume, your man-pelt is awesome and if you want a better copy of it, I know the guy that took it and can get you one." OK, maybe some of that was made up, but the promise of a hi-res picture of my gut, man-pelt and rock hard nipples (it was chilly out that day) was real and I took her up on it.

I read All Hail The Black Market on a regular basis and there is some crazy-fun stuff on there and a lot of cross (cyclocross, not cross dressing, though it could be both) references, so I figured that my picture should go to Stevil. So, I sent it with a brief description of what he was seeing, not that the picture wasn't worth a thousand words, and low and behold, he posted it on his blog for all the world to see. Yes, I posted it on my blog a while back too, but I have somewhere around 4 readers and Stevil has at least 1000 readers, so in my world it went viral.

Now, this morning, I get up, do my stupid morning stuff, and plop my ass (which is about as hairy as my chest) down on the couch and check the normal sites I check in the morning. When I am on Dirt Rag's website, where I usually check out the forums, I scroll down to see Team Fubar-Gots some 'splaining to do!. Obviously, I click on the link to re-read my post to Stevil. Now it is on yet ANOTHER website that has a lot more readers than this sad little blog (8600+ members). Holy crap...yep, viral.

That picture is really phenomenal. If you look at it on a hi-def monitor or TV (as I am doing right now) you can actually see my nipples are distended from the cold. Maybe I should grow a man-pelt/comb-over combo to cover those sensitive little suns-a-bitches with some warmth-giving fur. In addition, the pelt is also quite a thing to behold. I often get asked if I shave my legs (a cyclist thing to do) and I always say no. Where the hell would I stop? The top of my thighs? Then I'd look like I was wearing a fur unitard. And if I shaved the whole shootin' match, well, there isn't enough time in the day. I've got too much other shit to do.

Little did I know that acting like a jackass at a cross race, donning only my bib knickers, some arm warmers, a cape, a luchadore mask, growing a beautiful, scintillating man-pelt and exposing my nipples for the world to see would create such a fervor (with a little shameless self-promotion on my part). Good to see the world isn't so serious.

Stinky Bathrooms

I have a question. Why, oh why, do public restrooms, especially those in grocery stores, perpetually smell like diarrhea?

I went to the store tonight and suddenly had to take a leak. I opened the door and the smell of hot shit hit me in the face like someone throwing a wet wash cloth over my nose and mouth. A tiny bit of throw-up went into the back of my mouth, but I still had to snap the bean, so one deep breath and in I went.

I suppose, the only people that would actually shit in a public restroom are those that have some sort of mental instability or someone that may have gone on a Coors Light and Taco Tuesday bender the night before, with the latter being the more likely.

I think that a person could clean the bathroom and while the janitor was in there, it would smell like bleach and sunshine and the second, absolute SECOND they walk out, it would instantly smell like hot shit.

I hope someone out there can give me a response to why this phenomena happens. Or maybe not. Maybe I have over thought this one.

The Bike-a-holics Anonymous

I want to start by saying thanks to all the well wishers and visitors that we had regarding Li'l Tex. But she's back up and running in full force! A few pheasants and a turkey (not to mention other dead animals) later proves that she's running like a champ!

But the real reason I am here is to talk about...BIKES. Yeah, surprising isn't it? Well maybe not really surprising, but this isn't what you'd think. I want to talk about new bikes and how a person feels about a new bike.

My buddy (the Prince from earlier posts) Brian got a new ride. And boy, did he ever get a new ride. He got the mack-daddy of new rides, a Trek Top Fuel 9.9 SSL with Sram XX grouppo, carbon wheels, the works. It is $7400 of rolling sex. It is fast, strong, light and absolutely gorgeous. I seriously don't know how he got a new bike this time of the year and not be able to ride it. I know it sounds like I am jealous of him, but I am not. Not even in the least. I am completely stoked for him. And it makes me want to get a new ride.

New bikes are weird. If you're really into bikes and riding, when your riding buddies get a new bike, it's cool. You're happy for them. You want to check out their new rides, go ride with them, watch them cry when they get the first scratch on it, and experience the whole thing with them. It is almost like living vicariously through them. And while I would never want the bike Brian got, I now want a new bike.

I want a Moots Mooto-X YBB with Sram XX and a Reba fork (OK, so it has some of the same stuff as Brian's bike). I just don't know what lengths I am prepared to go to for one. I am thinking that there is a possibility of selling my motorcycle for one. I can't believe I am saying that. I waited a long time to get that motorcycle, but that is the draw of a new bike. Once you've tasted a new ride, you can't go back. Wanting a new ride is like an eating disorder, a meth and a sex addiction all rolled into one. You can't get enough to satisfy the hunger. As a friend once said "How many bikes does a person need? Just one more."

So, "Hi, I am NSS and I am a Bike-A-Holic." Now, which step is the first of the 12 I need to take?

Let's take a moment of silence!

There has been a tragic and SERIOUS situation here at Not-so-serious headquarters. A family member has been diagnosed with a serious illness. I have been in communications with people that can help and we are hoping that we can rectify the situation today.

I know you're asking; Who is sick? What is going on? Well let me tell you. It's our Traeger Li'l Tex BBQ070 grill. It is a VERY serious situation and it has been a very tough week since Li'l Tex went down. I discovered last Wednesday that the heating element went out of our grill and Li'l Tex was put on the transplant list, stat. We fired the ol' girl up last night using the manual starting method, and it worked fine, but it isn't the same.

I hear the follow up questions; What is a Traeger Li'l Tex BBQ070 grill? Why is it a serious situation? Who CARES?

Well, if you've ever had the JOY of having or using a Traeger, you'd understand my pain. It is a pellet grill. A pellet grill uses pellets that are not unlike the pellets people use in the stoves to heat your house, but they (the pellets) are not just for heating. They have flavored woods (garlic, onion, etc.) and they have different woods (oak, hickory, mesquite, etc.) for adding the perfect flavor to you favorite foods. The pellets dump from a hopper, via an auger system, into a combustion chamber, which is ignited by said heating element. A person could smoke meats, grill foods, and even use the grill as a CONVECTION oven. We've smoked chickens, turkeys, grilled any kind of foods on it you could imagine (including bacon!), and made bread and pizza on it. The Traeger grill makes me look like a grilling genius! And, while there is a certain touch that a person still has to have with grilling, it takes a good "griller" and makes them AWESOME. People that typically make their food look like the charcoal they are cooking with NEED a Traeger. You have to work hard to burn stuff on a Traeger. Even the most absent minded griller can use a Traeger with success. I know I sound like a paid reviewer of Traeger products, but trust me, I paid hard earned money for my Traeger. Thats how much I love this grill.

We cook/grill on it 4-5 times per week and since it has been broken, I've been lost. When it comes time to make dinner, I feel like I have some sort of amnesia or dementia. I don't know what to do. I keep going to the door, thinking that everything will be OK, but it isn't. Li'l Tex isn't going to heal itself, as much as I want it to. I have done all that I can. I've put Li'l Tex on the transplant list and I have an excellent set of tools. Now, it is time to wait. The life-flight team (FedEx) is scheduled to bring in the transplant organs today and for my sanity and their health, I hope they come through.

Now, I just need to decide on the first thing to grill on Li'l Tex once the transplant is successful. Buffalo burgers or some steaks? Hmmm...maybe both.

Why do we slide into a persistant state of douchebaggery?

We've all done it. Every single one of us that ride bikes, from time to time, fall into a persistant state of douchebaggery. We have good intentions, but it often spirals out of control, to the point where people not in our sport (or into our sport) start to glass over completely. Let me explain...

I went on a ride the other day with some guys I met for the first time. At some point of the ride, we were stopped, waiting for another rider and someone started talking about durometers of the rubber of their tires. WTF? Seriously? We're gonna talk about the tackiness and the firmness of tires when we've just ripped down some sweet-assed singletrack at night? God, no wonder friends and family that don't bike don't want to. They probably think they have to take some sort of college class so they know how to talk the talk. Most newbies just want to know they did OK on that section of trail or that the iron taste that is in their mouths, caused by the blood in their lungs, will eventually go away and they won't get it on every ride.

Conversely, I went for a beautiful Thanksgiving morning ride with some other friends and beyond the fact that one rider had a blown derailleur cable/housing, another one was riding a WAY old school bike and yet another was riding a cross bike (damn, he's one hard dude. A cross bike on the trail we rode makes for one tough dude) there was minimal talk of bikes. We talked about the trails, the potential of new trails and some of the history of the area. Way more chill and laid back. And even though there were no newbies on this ride, it would have been a ride that anyone would have felt good on.

I think when riders get together, there is some testosterone fueled posturing going on. "I know more about bikes than you do" or "I am more into bikes than you" and we've all fallen into this trap. Bikes are techy and expensive and fun. I mean who doesn't like to get a shiny new trinket whether it is a new bell for your handlebar to a new bike. And when we do, we like to brag about this stuff and show it off. We want to let other riders know that our purchase of this tire is well thought out and it works really well in this terrain. We want to justify that part that we spent more money on than most people think is sane to spend on a whole bike. We want our fellow riders to respect us as not just a bike rider, but a cyclist. The whole lifestyle, not just that ride.

But temper that when you feel it boil up into the back of your throat. To paraphrase what a certain Tour de France champion said, it's not about the bike. It's about the ride. It's about hanging with good friends and making new ones. Sure, the bike can make it more enjoyable and possibly less difficult, but think about your first ride. I doubt you remember how the bike performed, but I bet you do remember where you were, the trail you rode and the people you rode with. That's what riding is all about. Gowan now, go ride.

Are you ready for some football?

As promised, I will detail, in excruciating minutia, my Monday Night Football experience. OK, maybe not that detailed, but I will give you an overview of the craziness that was the Pittsburgh Steerlers (remember an earlier post and my LOVE of the Steelers) v. the Denver Broncos.

Let me give you some back story here. I have known for 6 years that the Steelers would be playing in Denver this year. I saw them play there in 2003 and knowing how the NFL schedule works, every team not within the same division will play each other a minimum of every 3 years, alternating the city. So, 2006 Denver went to Pittsburgh and in 2009, Pittsburgh came back to Denver (and they'll be back in 2015, just an FYI).

Knowing this, I watched all off-season for the second that tickets went on sale. Long story short, Ticketmaster and the whole ticket purchasing process is a SCREW JOB. I had 3 people online, logged into Ticketmaster and the second they went on sale we all tried to get tickets for this game with absolutely ZERO success. I call bullshit. Bullshit on how they sell tickets, make 'em available, the works. And the NFL wonders why they have stadiums that aren't sold out. It's because true fans that want tickets can't get them unless they go through a scalper and pay about 3-5 times their face value.


Alright, I'll get off my soap box now. So another long story short, I got tickets through my brother, who got 'em through a client, for basically face value. Three rows off the field in the North end zone. SWEET! And while not being able to see the other end of the field as well as I'd like, I found the experience of our seats really cool. At one point, when the Steelers were starting their drive back by the end zone, they took a time out and were standing around about 10-15 yards ahead of us. I always knew that football players were big, but some of them are freakishly large humans.



I went to the game with my mom, who is a big time Steelers fan as well. As a matter of fact, when the Steelers rolled into Denver and laid the smack down on the Broncos in 2006 for the AFC Championship, my mom and I went to that game together too. We got to the stadium this time about 30 minutes before kick-off on an absolutely gorgeous November evening. I was able to wear a long sleeve shirt under my old school Greg Lloyd jersey to the game. A perfect night for watching some football!



Just before the game starts, I hear someone yell "Chris", then "Seeley", and as I turn around I see a face I recognize, but it doesn't register. After about 10 seconds, I realize that it is the brother of the Princess (see earlier posts)! I didn't recognize him immediately since it was out of context. I never expected to see someone I know in a crowd of 76,000, and here is a person I know sitting 3 seats behind me. Kinda crazy.



So the game starts and as usual, there is a lot of good natured jawing back and forth with Broncos fans. It is pretty fun and people are usually pretty cool about it. As the first half progresses, which is fairly close, a guy sitting behind my mom is pissing her off pretty badly with his verbal diarrhea, so I am now having to reel in a 57 year old woman. Nice. It should be the other way around, shouldn't it?



The second half starts and the Steelers start putting the hammer down and begin pulling away. I hear two crazy women yapping at each other starting to get more intense. This is important as at the end of the third quarter or the beginning of the fourth quarter, shit hits the fan.



The action was down at the other end of the field, so a bunch of Steelers fans were standing up, looking down field at the action, myself included. The next thing I know, I am being hit in the back by something. I turn around to find a woman with a Steelers jersey on had been pulled or jumped over 2 or 3 rows of people onto a woman with a Broncos jersey. Hair was being pulled, slapping, scratching, this was a full blown, booze-soaked cat-fight! We were hollering for security, without getting immediate assistance. I was hoping that one of them would get their top ripped off, but that only happens in bad cable TV shows and in dreams.

The fight probably only lasted about 1-2 minutes, but it felt like it lasted a lot longer. Security finally showed up and took the two women away (and I use the term women very loosely in this case, as the obviously both barely qualify) and a few that got sucked into the melee. As the cops were "cleaning up" the boyfriend of the Steelers jersey wearing woman, though he was more akin to Jabba the Hutt wearing full Seattle Seahawks gear (did he know what game he was at?), pushed a cop. Holy SHIT, I thought, it is ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! The cop turned around and said "Did you just push me?" To which Captain Dumbass replies, "You pushed me first" and with that, he pushes the cop again! In no time at all, the cop has got this guy's left arm up behind his back and has his head slammed down on a seat back, with his forearm pushing down on the Captain's neck. Meanwhile, we miss TWO series of the football game.

A few of the hooligans finally were allowed to come back to their seats and everything was chill in our section for the rest of the game. Oh, yeah, the Steelers WHOOPED the Broncos ass too! All in all a great night. The Steelers won, I went to the game with my mom and a rad cat-fight broke out!