Is he my relative?

A few weeks ago, I came across this article where they found some frozen cave dude in a big chunk of ice. They thawed him out and extracted some DNA and found out how close he was to us. I personally was hoping they would thaw him out and he'd come to life like Brendan Fraiser in Encino Man, but then I remembered that was a really shitty Pauly Shore movie, so maybe it's best that they only were able to extract DNA. But I digress...

So, they put the DNA in a bowl during the full moon, with some chicken feathers, did some sort of VooDoo chant and figured out what this ancient man looked like. And it was this...

DAMN. He looks really, REALLY pissed off. Maybe it's because we thawed him out. OR, more likely they got a picture of him with a mullet AND a mouth mullet...a goatee. A double whammy of outdated looks. I guess in 19,850 BC, when you went for a haircut and a shave that is what you got. No choice. If Tuk (that is what I named him...don't ask me why) asked "Me need modern look. Cut me hair off in back", Grog would grunt something like "Why you want cut hair in back...look good in your IROC. Lana think you hot. Want you to hit her on head and drag back to your cave...ugh."

But the reality of this whole thing is I ran into this cat at the Rushmore Mall last weekend. We grunted a few things to each other and I found out he is some sort of ten times removed cousin of mine. He thinks the mullet is hot and the fur collar makes him look sensitive to the fairer sex. The last I saw him, he was climbing into his monster truck in the parking lot and heading off to the East.

Either way, I KNOW this dude spent some time in South Dakota. We're always a bit behind the rest of the country when it comes to trends. I just don't know for sure how behind we are...