Saturday, March 20, 2010

I've tasted the sweet nectar and now I don't wanna go back...

I've almost completed 10 weeks of roller training. As a matter of fact, after this morning's workout, I'll be starting a new phase of my training. Currently, I am riding the rollers of inconvenience 3 mornings per week and lifting weights 3 days per week. After today, I'll be increasing the rollers/riding workouts to 4 days per week and decreasing the weights to 2 days.

What the hell does this have to do with a man eating corn (which may or may not have been me in December)? Let me explain...

We all know that one kid growing up that was smothered by their parents' insecurities. The kid that didn't get sugar ('cause it's bad for you). The kid that didn't get to shoot a bb gun (you'll shoot your eye out). The kid that could only watch G rated movies (if you see a boobie or hear a bad word, you'll be a bad kid). Then there was the coup-de-grace kid, the one that couldn't do any of those things (I don't care if other kids are having fun being kids, you won't go to heaven if you do any of those things). These kids basically had no freedoms and if they deviated from this ultra-straight arrow lifestyle, there were severe repercussions from their parents.

Then, after they moved out of the house as a late teen/early adult, they go absolutely fuckin' ape-shit. The kid with no sugar? Yup, Little Debbie snack cakes with maple syrup on top, chased down by a Jolt Cola every night for dinner. The bb gun kid? Has gone completely David Koresh/Waco Texas, has a whole arsenal in his house, a bus bunker buried in his back yard. The G rated movie kid? All he watches is Forest Hump, Titty-Titty-Bang-Bang or Shaving Ryan's Privates (which are all 50% off next door to where I work, but that is a different story).

And the kid that didn't get to do any of those things? Well, that's my theory of why those extreme muslims blow shit up and hate Americans. I'd bet the Amish would do the same thing, but all they could do is throw boards at us, which we can protect ourselves from easily. Actually, have you ever seen the Amish Gone Wild? They get one year of life out in the "real" world when they turn 18 and go completely out of their mind. Fuckin', drinking, drugs, etc. every night. It's truly wild.

So what does this have to do with riding bikes? I've been riding indoors basically for 10 weeks. Last weekend I got to ride outside two days in a row and now I want nothing to do with riding the rollers of inconvenience. I've got a little chin/goatee thing going on right now, which my wife says is a hard-core Amish beard, so maybe I'm like Amish Gone Wild.

Riding the rollers have paid off, as last Saturday I rode with a group of guys,, actually all of which are faster than me, and I hung with the pack really well. Actually, I was up with the front of the group for most of the ride. So, I don't want to quit riding the rollers, but I've tasted the freedom of riding outside and now, like those kids, I am ready to go ape-shit. But Mother Nature's got different plans and I am sure this riding outside consistently isn't going to happen for at least another month.

Maybe, just maybe, next winter I will be able to taste this freedom once and a while. And I won't be a biker-gone-wild when I have to ride inside.

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