Saturday, March 13, 2010

Next time I see a hipster, I'm punching him in the nuts.

Since my last post, a lot of stuff went down. Most of which I won't bother to describe, but I was on a road bike ride on Sunday (YES, outside! Spring is coming...). I thought I'd go out and see if my early morning escapades on the rollers of inconvenience are helping me.

The short answer is yes, the long answer is who the hell can tell. When I started out on my normal "you've got an hour and a half or s0, A.K.A. my Summertime morning road loop" I was bucking a headwind the whole way up the "climbing" portion of the ride. I took a few minutes off of the last time I rode it, which was at the beginning of my training, so I think I have gotten stronger/faster, but I didn't get a good feel for it since I was going against the wind. I felt kinda whipped at the top of the climb, but again, the wind was fairly strong.

Anyhow, enough of my excuses. Without getting into another boring diatribe recalling the minutia of my ride, on the descent portion of my ride, which I can get well above 40 mph, I was almost hit by a fucking hipster-wannabe driving a PT Cruiser. WHAT THE HELL? First,
I thought there was a rule that all hipsters bummed rides or rode their fixies. Second, no, and I mean NO SELF RESPECTING MAN would EVER, EVER DRIVE A PT CRUISER. Third, the car had Montana plates on it. Really? A hipster, driving a PT Cruiser from Montana? I guarantee that he was kicked out of Montana for being a pussy and he's just driving around until he finds a commune of hipsters that will take him in and make him one of theirs.

After the incident, I pulled in behind said PT Cruiser into a parking lot. The little fuckin' puke got out of the car with his girlfriend/sister. Immediately, he started in that I was too close to the road. I barked back that I had every right to ride down the road if I wanted. There was a little back and forth between us and he realized that getting his ass whipped by a guy in lycra in front of his girlfriend wasn't very "hip", so he turned around and took his girlfriend into get his cigarettes and PBR.

This interaction made me start to wonder what the hell is up with these "hipsters"? Do they not see how they look? I am sure a few of them get the irony of their look, but most of them are following along. Like check this out... these hipsters are RUNNING FOR PUBLIC OFFICE! WHAT THE HELL? I can almost guarantee they are running under the Tea BAG Party. Serious. These two are running a real campaign running for Mayor and City Council somewhere down south. I bet they'll win.

But, I get the feeling while the whole hipster movement is winding down country wide, and it is just getting wound up here in South Dakota (we tend to do stuff a bit behind the rest of the
country). I got this pic of a hillbilly-hipster and I'd bet he is from SD. How fucked up is this cat? He's got a Juliet Lewis/Where's Waldo/Eddie Vedder circa 1990 look going on, carrying a Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time, wearing his size "0" girls jeans.'re cool. About as cool as a douche bag left in the freezer over night.

All right. I am done bashing hipsters. I guess I am getting old. I don't get it, which sounds like something an old person would say. But, sculpting your facial hair, wearing super-tight clothing and having the androgynous look isn't something I get. I didn't understand it when David Bowie and Mick Jagger did it 35 years ago and I don't understand it today. Oh well, wait around long enough and the giant shirts and pegged pants of the '80's will be back in fashion. And then I'll dig through the closet and get my old clothes out. THAT will be cool...

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